If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize