Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
