last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
