You just made me feel so damn special
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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