is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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