Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
