I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think my moral compass just broke
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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