I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
