If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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