Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
