South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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