my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
