After last night, I could never be a politician.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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