I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dear god my vagina.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
