I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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