chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
