I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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