the day after is always just damage control
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
