Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
