i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's like iHOP with fire
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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