All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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