I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
