just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
