It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
