I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
