I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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