maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
