i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
