I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
