my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
