Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
