It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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