Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize