So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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