I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
