quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
