She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize