toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
