I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
