I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
