I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
