I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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