why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize