Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
