there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
where are you?
Hypothermia
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
