I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
