Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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