have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
