At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
