Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
