Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
