There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
