In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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