five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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