her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
