I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
