I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
