i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dick very happy bro
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