Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
