Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize