My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
