Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
