he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
