mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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