It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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