How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You ate ashes out of my bong
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
