I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
