Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just pynch a tree in the face
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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