I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
