even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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