You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
