you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Someone shattered a urinal.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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