I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
